Monday night I took this picture of the final pile of snow in the church parking lot. A month ago this pile was ten feet high, fifteen feet deep, and thirty feet wide. It was a huge mound of snow that was plowed during the winter months. On Monday night, though, this was all that was left. Today, of course, that small pile of snow is completely gone.
I think about the times that I have felt alone and it reminded me of this melting snow. That pile didn't disappear overnight but it gradually melted. Times in our lives can appear that way too where the support of people around us dissipates until we feel like an insignificant, miniscule pile of snow. Alone. Maybe even feeling like we will actually melt away into nothing.
Often times the felling of being alone comes on gradually. Not always, but often. You see people will fail you. That's not meant to be critical, but it's true, people will fail. If I know you and interact with you I am sorry to say that at some point I will fail you. I'm not perfect. (yes, I'm admitting that) I know that others aren't perfect either and hurt will happen.
When we allow that hurt to build up in our lives and allow bitterness or unforgiveness to grow we will feel more and more alone. Often times our aloneness is a result of a hurt(s) in our lives. Those days can be some of the most difficult days to make it through. I've been there and it's not a nice place to live. For close to two years I was in the throws of depression. Amanda did all she could to help, but many days I would just accomplish my minimal tasks and then go home and sleep to get away from the empty feeling. It not only affected me, but Amanda and the children were greatly affected by my state aloneness.
Although many people loved me and cared for me and were right by my side, I had difficulty seeing their love. I enabled the hurt to build up walls between me and practically everyone. I allowed myself to become more alone each and every day.
Thankfully, God never changes and he never fails. If it wasn't for that I am not sure what would have happened to me those years ago. Psalm 31 in the Bible was the chapter that changed my heart and I knew that although I felt all alone that I wasn't. "In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me." Those first two verses plus the entire rest of the chapter gave me the hope that I needed for a renewed sense of vision and passion.
Many people feel alone. If you feel alone find someone to talk to. You can even contact me if you want. But remember, that even though you may feel like a small melting pile of snow, don't melt all the way. Don't give up. You can find strength and hope in the Lord. God never fails and He is waiting for you just as you are.