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My "Top 10" Reasons Why I Love Being A Dad

6/25/2015

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America is quickly eroding away due in part to a lack of fathers. Where are the dads who are willing to be an intricate part of their children’s lives? Children born out of wedlock often results in absent dads. That’s when mom often courageously shoulders the weight of raising the children on her own. This physical absence is nearly as harmful as a father who is physically present in the home, yet disengaged with his kids.

I truly believe that every society would benefit if dads were integral in the positive upbringing of children. It’s a big task and a big calling to be a husband and a father. It’s not to be taken flippantly. Just as Uncle Ben told a young Peter Parker, “With great power comes great responsibility”, fathers hold great power over their children and that power must manifest in responsible actions and parenting.

I want to give you my Top 10 Reason why I love being a dad.

1.      Responsibility: I love having the responsibility of rearing five children. It’s not always easy (it rarely is easy), but I love being the protector and provider for my kids. So many in our culture shy away from responsibility, yet I am drawn toward it. You see the affect of absent father’s in many teens and young adults because they haven’t observed responsibility in their father’s. What we, as fathers, shoulder for our family will impact how our children handle the pressures in life.

2.      Independence: This one is even hard as I write this because our oldest, Michaela, is at a weeklong camp. It’s the same camp that I attended when I was her age . . . 24 years ago! Amanda and I have had a hard time letting her go somewhere other than her grandparents home. We've had no contact with her since Sunday afternoon when we dropped her off. Tears fell from our checks when we were driving away, but as a father, I must do all I can to prepare my children to be independent. . . even if it means dropping them off at camp where she doesn't know anyone. To be able to think on their own and make the right choices away from their familiar surroundings is imperative in teaching our children independence.

3.      Work: When I was young my father made me work in his garage every Saturday. I would be cleaning the tools, helping to change oil or grease a machine, or help with a number of other tasks. Honestly, I complained and had a poor attitude toward the work, but having those responsibilities instilled a strong work ethic in me. Again, it’s not easy, but I love seeing a completed job that one of the kids did. Even if it is Jana cleaning her room by herself! As a four year old she takes great pride in her job well done. Teaching the kids how to mow, cut/stack wood, change a door knob, or work on the vehicles a little will equip them to work hard in the years to come. (they also have daily and weekly chores)

4.      Laughter: I love to see my kids laugh and smile. Dad’s often set the tone of the household. I know father’s that just seem to never enjoy life and are always down in the dumps. You know who else I don’t see very happy in their household? The kids. The kids often reflect the tone set by dad. Our family laughs a lot. Daily we have laughter in our house. Our joy for life rubs off on the kids and then they often say and do some of the funniest things! All five kids have a great sense of humor and our household benefits from laughter. A joyful heart is good medicine.

5.      Discipline: You may wonder how discipline is something that I love. The root word in discipline is disciple. Discipline is to be a time of teaching (discipleship) and it doesn’t always mean that it is a consequence of a negative behavior. To be honest, I do fail at this one more than I would like to admit because I need to be more focused on the teaching part of the discipline, but when I see and hear it “click” in my kids, I know that progress is being made.

6.      Selflessness: Many fathers miss the mark here because they themselves haven’t grown up. As a husband and father the welfare of my wife and children comes before my own. I enjoy putting all of myself: emotionally, physically, spiritually, resource wise, into my family. I also want them to live a selfless life where they are not only thinking but living a life that is to help others.

7.      Uniqueness: All five kids are different. They have unique personalities and gifting. As their father I have the privilege to help guide and direct them to discover the strengths within them. As a parent who has a physical condition I have a wonderful opportunity to guide them to understand that no one is exactly the same, yet all are valuable to God.  

8.      Love: I love LOVING my kids exactly who they are.

9.      Teamwork: This is what Amanda and I have to be . . . a team. I love being a dad because I love being a husband FIRST. Amanda came before the kids did and I am so blessed to be on the same team as her. Being able to show (good and bad) how to have a marriage where the husband and wife work together with the same vision and goals for the kids will prepare them for the time when they are looking for a spouse.

10.  Faith: This is actually the most important and vital area in my life as a father. The greatest desire that I have for all five of my children is for them to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Everything else previously described can only be fully accomplished by having a strong Christian faith. I love being a dad because I can’t wait to see what my children will do with their relationship with Jesus. I don’t care what they do when they grow up as long as it is exactly where God wants them to be.


That’s my Top 10. I know I fail so much as a father, but with God’s help, I will do my best to prepare my children to be adults who can change the world.


 


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The Dreaded “New Doctor”

6/20/2015

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     If you are like me and have great doctors and specialists looking after your care, you know that when one of them retires it can be a knock down blow. Last summer my cardiologist of 10+ years retired in order to be able to spend more time with her children and grandchildren. So my yearly visit last year (2014) was my final one with Dr. Maher.

My heart broke when I found out she was retiring. Throughout a number of my procedures she not only cared deeply about my well-being but she would take time to see how Amanda and the kids were doing. Her and her husband also had five children so she was a perfect fit for our family. The time she took to find out about our year and how things were going at the church and my stress levels were indicative of her care for my health.

    Dr. Maher also desired to have me on the least amount of medications, but was always proactive if she felt that a medication could prolong the effectiveness of my heart function. She was on top of medical breakthroughs and improvements and cared about us holistically.

    I knew the day would come this year where I was going to start with a new cardiologist. That day happened to be this past Thursday. I was not looking forward to the loss of 10+ years of friendship and knowledge about my medical history, but you can’t just pull someone out of retirement to do a checkup on you.

    I had my echocardiogram done as usual and then we waited for an hour to see the new cardiologist. Needless to say Amanda and I didn’t connect with him. I’m not here to bash anyone, so we will leave it with that.

    When finished, Amanda and I headed out for lunch and we discussed our feelings regarding the appointment. It’s almost as difficult to change from one group of doctors to another then to lose your cardiologist to retirement. We haven’t had this type of decision since 2001.

    On September 12, 2001 I had a doctor’s appointment in Philadelphia with my doctor who had recently left Pittsburgh to practice in Philly. Needless to say he was in California on 9/11 and wasn’t able to fly back for my appointment so I saw one of his associates. After my testing, Amanda and I (we had only been married for 3 months) spoke with the doctor. We shared with him that we were going to be missionaries to Papua New Guinea and we wondered what I needed to be conscientious of regarding Marfan syndrome.

    He emphatically told us that we were stupid for going overseas and that it was the dumbest decision we could ever make. We were in shock at his treatment of us. Albeit having Marfan syndrome and traveling halfway around the world to live might be discouraged by some in the medical field, but his treatment of us was unacceptable and unprofessional. When we were traveling home I told Amanda that my regular doctor never talked down to me like that and that he is a very kind and knowledgeable man. Regardless of my regular doctors kindness, I never went back to him due to his associates treatment of me.

    That is when I found Dr. Maher and had stayed with her for so many years.

    Now we are in a dilemma because we may have to make that type of a decision again. It’s been two days since my appointment and I still can’t shake the heavy heart of knowing I may have to find another cardiologist. With such a complex medical history I don’t feel like I can just go to any cardiologist and receive high quality care. The good thing is we have a year to figure this out.

    So I guess this is more of a rant than a blog. I would love to find out from anyone who reads this how you have dealt with these types of situations. Life has been so busy and it would just have been nice to have felt comfortable with the “New Doctor”. But again, I am sure we will figure it out by next year.


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We Need Each Other

6/4/2015

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I was diagnosed with Marfan syndrome nearly 25 years ago and it has only been over the last five months that I have connected with groups related to this condition. I have learned from their experiences and I hope that I have been able to add my “two cents” to the some of the conversations and have been able to help encourage others.

Last week I posted a picture of Dylan, my nine year old, on the Marfan Syndrome Facebook page of him at his end-of-year awards ceremony. The purpose for the posting was to share with the Marfan community the good grades he got this past school year. Straight A’s for the entire year! Quite a feat if you ask me. I know that I NEVER accomplished that in any grade of school. (Including college)

After I posted the picture and shared about the brainpower of my Marfan son, the picture received many likes and many nice comments from folks in the group. The next morning I told Dylan what I had written and then read the comments that strangers, yet brothers and sisters, wrote in congratulatory form for him on that thread. One person used the term “Marfs” and Dylan’s head tilted and a smile came across his face.

I have never used the word Marf in front of him. Some folks don’t like the word while others love it.  Dylan LOVED it. He commented that he had never heard that before. For some reason he then stated that it sounds like “Smurf” and thought he was super special! (we don’t let our kids even watch the Smurfs)

I assured him that it had nothing to do with the Smurfs and that some people who have Marfan syndrome refer to themselves as Marfs. He said okay and then bounced around calling himself a “Marf” in a very positive light. Those comments brightened his morning.

I never realized connecting to a group of individuals who have a common bond can be so invaluable for me and even my family. When the conversation sticks to our commonality we can find strength, hope, and encouragement in each others words. Questions are asked that are often answered by experience. Although a Facebook forum doesn’t take the place of your doctors or specialists, our commonality and experience daily benefit so many. The moderator also keeps things clean and relevant.

I guess I am saying all of this to say that regardless of the things that are going on in your life or a condition you may have, you were never meant to take it on alone. Capitalize on the experience of others. Rely on each other when your own strength is faltering.

I cling strongly to my faith, but even within the realms of faith, I need other people.

So if you are thinking about trying to “do it on your own” remember that you don’t need to. In the Marfan community there are many doctors and specialists who care and many who are willing to learn more about our condition. Don’t give up.

Our children’s Primary Care Physician didn’t know much at all about Marfan syndrome 8 years ago when we started going to him but he has been proactive in learning as much as he can about Marfan’s. He asks me about my life in order to increase his knowledge of this condition for the purpose of helping my sons and others. He also researches the condition to be able to best serve our family’s needs.

So for those in the Marfan community, thank you being there even when I wasn’t looking for you and thank you for the current and future support you will show to my family and many others.

Thank you for the wisdom and insight into your lives. And to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one due to Marfan syndrome, may you continue to find healing and strength in the days ahead and support those of us who still face this condition each and every day.

It’s not easy living with Marfan syndrome, but I wouldn’t exchange my four heart and one brain surgery for a life without it. I have learned so much and have grown so much living with this condition. It hasn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for a day of being “normal” because this is my normal. 

(This blog post was written in direct appreciation for those who give their time and talents to help others within the Marfan community)


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    Steve Henry

    This is a place where you can find hope without feeling ashamed of your Custom Scars.

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