Custom Scars
  • Home
  • The Family
    • My Story
    • Michaela's Story
  • Marfan Syndrome
  • Blog
  • Scars That Save
  • Contact
  • Press Release

The Need for Discipline

5/20/2015

Comments

 
Picture
    My sermon this coming Sunday is based out of the book of Hebrews and it addresses the topic of discipline. It’s fascinating and insightful that the discipline that one receives as a child from their father is used as a parallel to God’s discipline. Maybe God’s discipline will be for another blog, but I want to focus on discipline when it pertains to our children.

    When the topic of discipline comes up many people say that you shouldn’t discipline your child, that all you need to do is “redirect” their focus. A “redirection” isn’t going to do nearly as much good for the future of that child then some straight up discipline. It’s bonkers to think so. Many folks balk at the word discipline because they only relate it to punishment. Mind you, punishment is an element in discipline on some occasions, but if punishment is your only definition of discipline, then you really need to read the actual definition.

Discipline, according to Webster’s dictionary, has five meanings:

1.      Punishment
2.      A field of study,
3.      Training that corrects, molds, or perfects
4.      Control gained by obedience or training
5.      A system of rules governing conduct

    So within these five definitions of discipline all but #2 fit the bill when it comes to disciplining a child. I am really drawn to definition #3 as that is my heart’s desire as a father. When any of my five children say or do something that is in need of discipline, I need to be first looking at how I can use this situation to make my child better. What training, and possibly punishment, is needed in order for this action to not happen again? Do I always do this correctly? No, it’s definitely easier said than always done!

    All five of the kids have different personalities and react to discipline differently. Therefore, Amanda and I have to discipline the five kids differently, yet still holding to the same expectations for each of them. The discipline needs to fit the offense and be able to be used for the growth of the child. In our household the discipline of one can also be the lesson for another.

    We have been reminded by our older kids that “you didn’t let us do that when we were that age” many times before. Then we have to take a step back, think, and remember what we did. It could be that the way we disciplined the older child when they were younger was extreme or have we just lessened our standards? Often times it is a decrease in standards and that “reminder” from an older sibling helps keep us on our toes in order to be consistent. (Anyone else have kids that just try to wear you down?)  

    Never do we want any of our kids to believe that one of their siblings gets “special” treatment or privileges. They all start chores around the same age and although some of the kids were more compliant, we still expected the less compliant one’s to carry their weight. (Even when it can take hours to complete a task due to uncompliance you can’t give up. These are life lessons for them about work and responsibility. Why are so many 20 and 30 somethings still living at home?).

    Even though Andrew and Dylan have Marfan syndrome, they are disciplined the same as the three children who do not. Discipline is the shaping, the training of one’s character. Discipline isn’t based on weather all my kids can play sports or if they have to take a break when walking for a long period of time at the zoo. That’s just a part of their life and mine, but I desire for all of them to exhibit discipline.

    I discipline them to become the men and women whom I want them to be for the betterment of the world that God has allowed them to live on.

    When people find out that Amanda and I have five children there is typically some remark that’s made. Often times it’s a little offensive, but I used to say that we had so many children because hopefully 3 out of 5 turn out good. I was so wrong to make that statement.

    My goal as a father is to discipline (refer to definition) my children in a way that the outcome is 5 for 5 when it comes to them turning out right. I work everyday to help facilitate that outcome. My oldest has just become a teenager. I only have five more years to go and then what I started from birth is what she has to launch herself into her future. Not disciplining is a disservice to your child and you will be preparing them for failure.

    I’m not called to be my child’s friend. I am commanded to be my child’s parent. Hopefully the friendship part is there too, but my first duty is to parent them in the way that is right and just and for the glory of God. Discipline is not bad and it’s rarely easy. It does hurt temporarily but the lasting impact for good will set your children on a path of character and integrity.

 


Comments

Coping With Pain

5/13/2015

Comments

 
Picture
   Earlier this week someone posted this graphic on the Marfan Syndrome FB page. The graphic struck me like a Mack truck. It really encapsulates what so many folks, not just myself, go through each day with society unaware. I hope that it doesn't put you in shock or strikes up a pity-party in your soul, but that it opens your eyes to what some people go through on a daily basis.
   
   Dylan (our 9 year old) has Marfan's and for those who are around him much know that he complains about pain. Pain that doesn't come from a wrestling match with his brother or falling off of his bicycle. It's pain that is part of his daily life with a connective tissue disorder. Occasionally he will just moan and groan that his joints and back hurt so badly that he just wants to sleep in order for him to not feel the pain.

   Knowing that his pain comes from the condition that I passed onto him makes it even harder. I see how his body is formed, how his chest is so concave and his limbs so long, it can be hard as a father to know that my genes caused this. His physical pain will be with him all of his life, but watching your child hurt and not being able to do anything about it is difficult.

   The older I get the more the daily pain is coming into play in my own life. It has been a long time where I have gone a day without pain. It just happens at the oddest times and sometimes in the oddest parts of my body. It’s not just the sporadic, temporary pains that happen daily, but the drawn out discomforts in my back, legs, arms, and even neck. Some days it’s hard enough to get past the pain and discomfort let alone to be productive past that.

  I’ve read many individual’s methods in the Marfan community of how they cope (or don’t cope) with the pain. Some rely heavily on pain killers and often times their hearts desire is to not have to take them but it’s the only thing that seems to relieve their pain. Others practice meditation and/or breathing exercises.

   My heart is deeply saddened when others are hopeless. They feel alone and isolated. When one feels like all hope is lost the physical pain is often magnified leading to deeper despair. It’s so hard when I read the stories of families and even spouses who are unwilling to accept the realities that their loved one has Marfan syndrome. They feel unloved and unwelcome.

  I have been blessed to have a family that has always cared deeply about my health. That concern helps with the pain. Having a church family that cares about my well-being, as well as our children’s, is invaluable. Regarding human relations, my wife has never waivered in her love for me regardless of my pain. (and the pain that I can be to her sometimes. LOL)

  The support of individuals helps greatly, but that isn’t the ultimate strength I rely on. It’s not my own “intestinal fortitude” that sees me through each day either. Those areas definitely help, but if it wasn’t for my faith in God and His promises I wouldn’t have the hope for the future that I do. I wouldn’t have the hope that I have for both my sons with Marfan syndrome if it wasn’t for my faith. As the Gaither song “Because He Lives” states:

Because He Lives – I Can Face Tomorrow
Because He Lives – All Fear is Gone
Because I  Know – He Holds the Future
And Life is Worth the Living – Just Because He Lives

(For those who may not know the "He" in this song refers to Jesus)

   Even though life is a daily journey with a connective tissue disorder I can face tomorrow, fearless and looking forward to the future.

   I don’t know where you are at today with pain in your life. Maybe you have chronic physical pain and rarely, if ever, have relief. Maybe emotionally you are experiencing pain and hurt that would be considered never-ending. Even spiritually we can be hurt, confused, or in question. The incredible truth is that everything else around us could be falling apart, but God will never leave you and all you have to do is ask and trust Him.

1 John 4:4 “Greater is He that is in me than he who is in the world.”

Matthew 6:33 “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you.”

My favorite verse and the one that I cling to is the response of Jesus to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

   Even in my weakness, even when I am trying to cope with the pain in my life, I know who holds the future and life is worth living because I know He lives.


Comments

Elevator Shock

5/4/2015

Comments

 
Picture
    It never fails when I am waiting for an elevator when the door slowly opens and the people inside see me for the first time. The reactions vary but almost always there is some form of shock. I have had people jump because my height scared them. Parents have drawn their  children closer to them when I enter the small square box. Some folks have felt free to leave their jaw on the ground, eyes bulging out, and a constant stare on their faces the entire time I am in the elevator.

    This weekend I went to visit someone in a nursing home. Most of the staff recognize me as I have had brief conversations with them in the past, but this weekend when I was waiting for the elevator to open, the woman inside wasn’t expecting to see me when the door opened. She walked out of the elevator in shock at my height, as the receptionist was watching, and with eyes as big as silver dollars asked me how tall I was. The receptionist, whom I have talked too many times, instantly replied to her, “I bet he doesn’t get that asked to everyday.”

    Her response made me smile. I replied, “This is the first time TODAY that someone has asked me how tall I am. I’m 6’9”.”

    I could tell the receptionist felt that this individual’s question could be inferred as hurtful, and she stood up for me. So often people say things out of impulse without thinking that their words could really bother the person. The older I get the more aware I am becoming of a need to really educate individuals on how to communicate with people who may not fit into a perceived mold.

    I think the burden stems even deeper then myself, because I know that I get tired of all the questions some days, yet my boys are going to face the same situations. They are still young, but it will be only be a matter of years until I am the only one they know who is taller. Hopefully they don’t get taller than me, but if they do, so be it. I just wish that our society would think before they speak more, especially for the sake of my family.

    I love it that people in the Marfan community are creating tee shirts and business cards that give their heights, that they didn’t play basketball, and that the weather is the same as it is for you. Priceless!

    I’ve always been particularly bothered by the “How’s The Weather Up There?” question. The person is standing beside you and they are looking straight up accentuating the height difference. Do you really think my head is blistering in the sun when it’s only 11 inches higher than yours? The sun’s rays provide you with a nice tan but I am blistering in anguish? It’s almost laughably absurd.

    You still have to be patient and cordial regardless of people’s behavior. The older I am getting the more I am finding that I don’t have the patience that I had a few years ago. I think it’s because my body is feeling the effects of Marfan syndrome more and more. Each year things are becoming more difficult and joints are increasing in their stiffness. Oh well, that’s life.

    So, when you see someone who doesn’t “look” like you don’t impulsively speak but try to engage in conversation that is uplifting. You might find out more than someone’s height or that they didn’t play basketball.      


Comments

    Steve Henry

    This is a place where you can find hope without feeling ashamed of your Custom Scars.

    Archives

    November 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    August 2017
    December 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly